To Close out a journey

No regrets-

Swimming Upstream

I find that I feel lost. I feel like I'm swimming upstream in a river... like I'm going in the wrong direction. I feel like there is something that I should be doing right now that I am not. Something that I was forced away from. I have always been of the mind that there are somethings in life that are more important than others and that in most cases you don't get more than one chance to grab onto those things.. I worry now if I fucked up. Just because of monetary concerns, I let this slip away... and I feel like I really should have done this whole thing differently. I enjoyed my time in New Zealand and Hawaii but I feel like there is someone I should be with specifically right now. Don't mistake the fact that I am glad to see my brother and his girlfriend, and seeing good old Chris Ellis in Honolulu was good times. I don't know when I will get to see any of them again. It will be nice to see everyone in Asheville again, but I have this increasingly overwhelming feeling that it's going to be very underwhelming to return to the things that are familiar... and in my head, sound like they will be fun... and I'm not saying that I don't miss people there and on the East Coast in general... I'm just of the mind (and believe me I tried like hell to be in a different state of being than this in Hawaii, but to no avail) that I should be with someone on my travels... in a completely different part of the world. I still don't know if the situation would pan out to my reading, but I feel like I just sat and watched an entire branch that very well could have been my life decay and fall away. Also, I fear that I am doomed to another branch that I have seen (one that I thought decayed, but continues to cling).

On the other hand, why am I pretending that branches are screens with motion pictures?

I just feel like these things are concentric to my thought processes at this juncture:

 1) where am I going now 2) why am I doing things like I don't have a choice in them

Off The Ice

You just don't realize how much you would miss civilization until you are away from it for so long. Now, to be fair, I bet the more I see of civilization, my disdain will regrow like a tumor and I will have a need to go somewhere that is not populated by people... oh well. Lovin' Life!

Just a little rap for all the ladies in McMurdo

And she said that things be fine from the other side, but when baby got back, baby just lied.. I admit I tried to keep it tight, and I know I said that things would be alright. But when it came back to brass tax and cuttin' the bull shit, I laid out the facts and she said it didn't quite fit right. That's how it happens when you play with chivalry, turns out she wasn't that into me. But I'm not hurtin' I ain't sad, I'll keep it movin' it's not all bad. Cause I look to the horizion and there I see, my dream girl sittin' out there waitin' on me
Yeah, I hear her like verizon callin' my name, sayin' that she's there for me
So you thought I would fold up, bitch don't even front. You knew I was too strong for you from day one. There aren't a lot of people I would rather see on the other side of the world missin' me, wishin' they was kissin' me, and part of wants to let you do it, but the man in me say that thought ain't fluid. So when you sittin' missin' what you could have had don't let the ice freeze ya while I'm layin' in the sun... just think about my squeeze and what you ran from.

From a seed to a tree...

Yes, that's right. I miss plants so much that I'll name this entry that.

5 days. It's nearly the 3rd here. I have my last radio show on that morning, Then a basketball game that night. Then I work a half day on the 4/5th then I work full shifts on the 5/6th and 6/7th... then I'm done sometime between 530 and 8 on the morning of the 7th. Then I'll be going to take a nap, get up and dance the last minute clean up dance. From there I'll probably be up til the early hours of that morning, I'm thinking like 4 at the latest. Then I'll wake up at like 9 or so the next day, and hang out until the transport to the plane comes down, then I'll make like a tree and get the fuck outta here.

Just a thought... OF DOOM!!!!

So, I have this idea... I don't have any idea if it would work out so well, but I wanna do it anyway. Mostly cause I think it's gonna be fun just to attempt, and also a good way to kill time over the last week and a half I'm here.

What I'm gonna do is take a metric ton worth of short videos on my tiny little digital camera, and I want to splice them into one (or more) videos, put music to it, and then basically send these McMurdo music videos to my friends I met here. I have some, that I have taken throughout the season, but I want to go nuts for the next week. So Jef, I know you have been keeping up with this... and all it's insanity, any thoughts... and I was thinking maybe you know how to do this maybe... or maybe Jake would be the guy to ask... I don't know.

I don't think anyone is reading this any more.

I'm fairly certain that this blog has died. In that I don't mean I've stopped writing, even if it's mostly dribble. I mean I'm fairly certain I have no audience anymore. But if I do have an audience, let me know, or else I'll just be a friend of the internets and kill the blog.

My friend is gone, he ran away... I can tell you..

Ahh. So I don't much know what to write right now. I just feel like this is the thing to do right now, so I'll apologize in advance for any incoherent or seemingly psychotic prattle.
My departure from the ice grows near, and honestly I'm looking at it as a god send... but then again my initial plans for post Antarctica travel seem to have fallen out of the bottom like sea ice in a paper cup. Just trust me on that analogy. So as I sit and listen to The Annuals, I find myself wondering if there is something bigger to any of this or if it's just a stroke of bad luck. I'm resolved to make this my year, and I'm not going to let one hitch in the road mess that up for me. I've been down on myself for too many years and I've been treading water too long  to go right back to that. So, it looks like I'll spend a few days in Christchurch and maybe a day or 2 in Sydney, then head to Hawaii for a couple of days. After that I'll likely head in to the left coast and visit my brother before making the flight home. So, my grandiose idea of traveling from Budapest to Prague to Frankfurt to Amsterdam via some combination of hostel work and vagabonding is all but dead... even if I desperately try to find ways to necessitate it as if I was someone who just lost the love of a life, screaming at the doctors how very unfair it was and how this can't be happening... all the while I know hope is all but dead for it. Wow, how over dramatic of me. Ah, well. Worse things have happened. I will create another opportunity to go see the beauty that Europe has to offer.
 "And the songs that we sing, still make the bells ring.. but we fell asleep for the sermon."

Discovering new music is awesome. On a different note, I'm getting tired of Iron and Wine. However, I'm thrilled with Sufjan Stevens. And Forest Sun.

So the way I see it, you can hope to see me in Asheville town on or around the 22nd or 23rd of February.

Eat this grade school english

What could be more fun than floating outside of yourself in shorts and a tee shirt in the middle of an Antarctic summer trying to figure out if you are finally starting to beat what is now a recurring sinus infection that never seems to go away and continues to wreak havoc on your immune system.

Down here... not much.

After being out of work sick for the better part of the week and being put on an ever changing battery of medications for what was, in December, a standard sinus infection with bad headaches; last weekend, a series of symtoms caused by migraines (symptoms including but not limited to; migraine pain headaches, body pain and stiffness, vomiting, and general congestion); and now full blown sinusitius (? whatever that really is) and intense non-migraine but with the power of migraine headaches and body pains. So after being out of work until at least Friday, I can safely say, I had the best bad day ever, thanks most definitly to the awesome things my friends and family sent me over the holidays and the medication given me by McMurdo "General Hospital" aka the med clinic. Anyway, time to attempt sleep, run on sentences complete, eat that grade school english!